Today I started on a path that could lead me in the right direction or totally astray. I have been through hell and back trying to be a good person and a nice person. I am tired of the out right abuse I have been receiving in return. I have decided to take a Pacifist stand against it- and so begins my social experiment.
First the why… My room mate went on a spiritual journey when she was supposed to be in school taking Summer classes. It was a long Summer. Then, I get back to school and find out- she is gone and may not come back. I was hoping she would appear and at least explain the situation. She came back pregnant and using her hormone related mood swings as an excuse to be bitchy, mean, and sneaky. She kept wanting to go to sleep at 8:30pm- well we are in college. It is pretty much impossible. I do my research during the day and write about it at night. I sleep, eat, shower, go to class, work, and do homework. There is not much time for anything. I stop by my room and get stuff or come to work and sleep. She makes a fuss about the time I arrive or leave, what I do in my private life, and when I wake up or go to sleep. She expects me to sleep based on her schedule and wake up just the same.
The other day, I just told her to cut the crap. She had been using the I am preggers excuse too long. It was just annoying and shameful of her. I asked her to stop trying so hard to be the annoying pregnant woman like on TV. All I did was be nice and try to help but, she continued to screw me over- so I had no choice. She has done too many things to be forgiven so easily. Sometimes I would go to the bathroom and come back to find my books closed and put on the floor or my desk and the Tv and lights off. The shades and curtains would be drawn and she would say something like “I didn’t think you would mind- I didn’t think you were coming back.” Our bathroom is attached to the room we share. We live in the dorms and it is impossible for me to exit the bathroom any other way- than back through my room. I asked her not to touch my stuff and to just leave it. It was too early for her to act like that. She did the same thing a few more times. And when I confronted and asked her about it- she pretended not to understand- then play the victim. Most times she will bring up random shit that is issue in front of other people to make me look bad. I got tired of it.
Pregnancy is not an excuse for what she is doing to my personality, my life, or my relationships with people. She may not care about other people, but I do.
So…
I decided to stop talking to her completely-
I decided to ignore her and her existence. This seemed like the only Pacifist solution that would make her more susceptible to my feelings. This was also a way to avoid the crazy game she has been playing with people where she acts like I am a terrible person when I do the same things she has been doing to me.
This is day one of I don’t know how many more days. Today I was in the bathroom when she arrived. The radio was on. I had just gone to pee. I came out of the bathroom and found myself nauseated by her. I walked over to my fridge and drank some water. I continued to listen to music and reading. I made some direct eye contact but never said a word. I could see the confusion and annoyance in her face and I enjoyed it. She talks to me as if I was responsible for her and the kid she is carrying. Well- news flash! I am not responsible and will not be treated that way. She seemed afraid to approach me or even ask any questions. To me this was an improvement from my previous condition. Hopefully, I can hold on and break through to her or at least get her to be less self-centered.
Until tomorrow. Good Luck and good night!
