A great day rarely occurs, but today was a great day. Finally, one awesome day. We had a picnic at the park and it was wonderful. It was a fun day day. Some classmates and I got together for a nice day and had a picnic. We planned it well enough, so that everyone could enjoy the day. It was a fantastic time. For some it was a small goodbye. For others it was a “see you next semester” party. For me it was simply a great day- out in the world- taking in the warm air, enjoying the nice weather, and spending time in good company. Thanks, everyone. The picnic made my week.
Time and Time Again. April 19, 2009
When is time an issue?
When no one has any time to spare.
My fiance and I are always busy. We try to make time, but it usually ends up being crappy. I’m grumpy, because he hardly tries to make time or pay attention to me when I really need him to. He asks me why I am mad and when I tell him how I feel he makes me feel guilty for even saying anything.
He says – Well, you know I’m busy with homework and work.
I respond- by saying- I know, I know, but we have to talk about things.
He seems to shrug it off and move on. I can’t just move on like there is nothing to talk about. Over the past few weeks we have been through a lot and he seems to be using work as a way to avoid addressing any of it. It is a big deal to me. I think we need to talk about all of it before we can get over it. He doesn’t seem to agree. I guess I am annoyed at him for asking me what’s wrong without actually caring. When I tell him- he just implies that I am making a fuss over nothing.
Am I wrong in thinking this issue needs to be addressed?
Recently, we had a possible pregnancy scare and our relationship took a hard hit. This conversation needs to happen. When it can happen or whether he is willing to talk is the issue. He has always talked to me before, but now he is different.We want to have kids in the next few years, but how can I be expected to have kids if after our first real encounter with the thought- it turns out like this. Yes- he is supportive, but if he won’t talk to me, what’s the point?
I love him, but sometimes I wish I knew what to say or what to do to fix these kinds of things. The happy times and sad times are what make a relationship. Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it. In the end, all I can say is Yes. It is worth it. Worth the struggle and the pain. The time to talk is hopefully close. The time to resolve these things is now.
Student Life April 17, 2009
I have a fortunate and somewhat unfortunat role in society and that is being a student. Yes, we all learn and continue to do so, but a student’s main concern is supposed to be learning. It is sad to think that there is going to be trouble ahead before I graduate. I have decent professors and good friends.
The things I am missing are: a good mentor, people who know how to get published in this day and age, and people who can give me tips on better networking. I am at my wits end trying to explain my career and life goals to a sixty something adviser who thinks everyone can learn from his life experiences and must neglect their own to do so. It is too much.
I tried switching advisers, but my college is letting go of a lot of people and won’t allow me to switch him. It is ridiculous. Where is the professionalism and advice necessary for the new age? Not at my college. All I can say is disappointment runs deep in the veins of this place- right now. It’s not likely to change soon either. What’s left- Graduate and find my own way until then. Then do everything I can to find jobs and market myself. Nothing left- no real options other than these for me.
Baby Scare April 10, 2009
The baby scare is the worst occurrence and the best occurrence in a stable relationship. It can cause you to rethink the basis of your relationship and where you are going. Personally, I’m engaged and I plan on getting married and starting a family someday. I want to have children some day, but having one now is not ideal.
Recently, my fiance and I had a baby scare. We were worried about what we would do and how it could have occurred. We always use condoms, so we weren’t sure why I hadn’t had my period and why I was having pregnancy symptoms. It was a strange idea to think of ourselves as parents at such a young age. At the same time, being a parent was an exciting idea.
I always wanted to have kids, so it was no problem for me. My fiance was the same the way. We just needed to find out the truth. I took some pregnancy tests and all were negative. The next step was to have a pregnancy blood test. The test was quick. We were told they would have the results by the end of the day. The wait was nerve wrecking. We took the test on a Monday and got the results on a Tuesday afternoon. It was the most intense afternoon for the both of us.
My fiance and I were trying to figure out the next step if it was a “Yes” or a “No.” We finally, get the call on Tuesday and it’s a “NO.” We were glad we finally knew one answer, but it we were left not knowing why my period was off. After a few days my period came. It was nice to finally get my period, but hell to think maybe something else is wrong. I strongly dislike hospitals and that makes it hard for me to go to one and sit there. Then get things done and wait for the results.
In some ways I wanted to have a baby and start my family. It would have been an exciting new experience. It would have been a beautiful experience. I guess it will have to wait a while, but I don’t mind. My fiance is a few years older than me and wants to have kids too. We plan on waiting a few years. Things don’t always turn out as planned, but it’s all one could hope for. I know it will okay, so I just continue to move forward. Our hopes for the future, the intensity we feel when we are together, and the love we share keeps us going and I pray it will continue.
We faced one of the newest hurdles together. I was afraid of worrying my fiance and he was afraid of worrying me. We both dealt with it together and I am thankful for that. I can tell him how I feel and what is going on with my body and that really helped us figure things out. The baby scare is over for now. I know someday it will no longer be a scare and that makes it all the better.
Being Engaged March 8, 2009
I got engaged a while back and now it is all coming full circle. Due to unforeseen circumstances my fiance had not met my parents. Now, the meet my parents countdown begins. It’s my first post in a while so that’s good. Hope everyone is well.
Social Experiment: Day 10 October 27, 2008
On the tenth and last day- all was well. It seemed like things have suddenly returned to normal. My bf came down for the weekend and it was fun. Things just sorta fell into place. I think about it and it doesn’t make sense. But you know what, I don’t care. Things don’t always have to make sense in order to be good or have meaning.
Life is good when you make it work. I am starting to recover my personality and my life. I didn’t think I would get back to normal self, so it is great to be back. My writing is starting to reflect me as a writer and not my inner turmoil or physical pains. I enjoyed my weekend and it ends today. Yes- it’s a Monday. To me it was just another day. Another bit of time with my beloved bf. Yes.
Social Experiment: Day 6,7,8, and 9 October 23, 2008
I have been avoiding home like the plague. It has been hard, but it has gotten me to a point where I think she is seeing me as a person. It was a tough road, but just one more day. Over the weekend I figured I would go ahead and have a 10 day program. So I thought to myself ‘How ’bout it.’ And now it is just a waiting game. I am waiting for things to turn out better and start looking up. I think things have improved. I left her a note saying that I have needs too and she should respect my privacy and my schedule the way I respect hers.
She read it and responded that she was going to try harder and that she had been trying all along. I don’t think this is true, but I am glad she is more self aware. Hope for a new day is high. It is great to be free.
Social Experiment: Days 4,5,6 October 23, 2008
I was gone. Totally away from the hassles, worries, and stress. I left for the weekend and found some peace. It was nice to feel good just for the hell of feeling good. The fact that I did not need to make myself numb to survive was enough to make my weekend great. I truly did enjoy myself. I let go of the stress that held me back for these two or so months. Being free was a wonderful feeling. The days after I came back were a bit hectic, but that was to be expected.
Social Experiment: Day 3 October 15, 2008
The issues have compounded and now we must take our issue up the law of the land. I am hoping something is resolved so that I can sleep, eat, and work if need be. I am tired of dealing with a strict and deprived existence for no real reason. It is enough that people who rarely see or talk to her think she is some kind of saint, but now it is affecting the quality of my work. No one fucks with my work.
The law of the land had few suggestions, but no real solutions. Nonetheless, I must continue for the best solutions. It is imperative that I find a solution. It is key to my survival and my sanity. Maybe that means nothing to someone who is simply happy, but for me it’s all I have left. Things will turn out- I hope…
Social Experiment: Day 2 Night Time October 14, 2008
Tonight has been good so far. I have not seen her since earlier today. I needed some space. I have been trying to move out but, no luck yet. It feels nice to just have time to myself in my room. I just needed some privacy and a little time to think. I have higher hopes for the future. It is looking quite bright right now.
Night time is always a good time to sit and think. I like to figure out my day and take it all in. Sometimes it rains and sometimes it shines. Today it rained in the world, but it was shining for me. Hopefully it continues to go well and I can just communicate with my friend like before she went M.I.A. I want the best for the future like anyone else. I just need to keep working on it. I need some time and I will take it.
Well- I had to go back and edit this. She came back with full bitch force. I hoped she would not come back til I fell asleep or something. No dice. She comes in light is off, so she whines about the TV and my sleep schedule. I am doing my best to sleep early. Doesn’t really work. I get up really early to work if I do that. After, I said I was watching TV she was like- well you are typing over there.
I just wanted to say- the multi-tasking gods can’t bless all of us, you know and laugh in her face while turning up the TV. What I did was just turn down the TV and say- I can multi-task you know. She then proceeded to ask me when I planned on going to bed. I said – I don’t know. She complained about me typing at night and turning on a measly book light to look at the textbooks I was using.
I am tired of dealing with this. I am not some kid who came to college to run away. I came to learn and do what I have to do to have a better life. I work hard for what I have and most times that involves staying up late and doing HW. Another thing; I pay to live here and should be given that respect. My typing is the least of problems. I try to work with her and the next day she finds something to bitch about. If she wants complete silence she should join a nunnery and take a vow of silence or become a hermit. This is college and I need to work whenever I can. She needs to understand that.
Today, I broke my silence protocol, but for good reason. The situation would have gotten out of hand otherwise. I suggested she use the headphones she has after I turned the TV off. She did not want to- she is unwilling to cooperate and there is no place for me to go. What Now?
